Selena Gomez Opens Up About Rehab and Why Instagram Makes Her “Feel Like S–t”

The crown is heavy for social media q”As soon as I became the most followed person on Instagram, I sort of freaked out. It had become so consuming to me. It’s what I woke up to and went to sleep to. I was an addict, and it felt like I was seeing things I didn’t want to see, like it was putting things in my head that I didn’t want to care abou. I always end up feeling like s–t when I look at Instagram,” the 24-year-old singer says in Vogue‘s April issue. “Which is why I’m kind of under the radar, ghosting it a bit.”ueen Selena Gomez.

Gomez deleted the app from her phone and doesn’t know the password for her account; her assistant now posts on her behalf. The decision to unplug came after Gomez entered treatment in 2016—which wasn’t for addiction, burnout or an eating disorder. “People so badly wanted me to be authentic, and when that happened, finally, it was a huge release. I’m not different from what I put out there. I’ve been very vulnerable with my fans, and sometimes I say things I shouldn’t. But I have to be honest with them. I feel that’s a huge part of why I’m where I am.

The “It Ain’t Me” singer, who previously spent two weeks at a treatment facility in 2014 for Lupus, decided to seek additional help after canceling her Revival tour last summer. “Tours are a really lonely place for me. My self-esteem was shot. I was depressed, anxious. I started to have panic attacks right before getting onstage, or right after leaving the stage. Basically I felt I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t capable. I felt I wasn’t giving my fans anything, and they could see it—which, I think, was a complete distortion,” she says. “I was so used to performing for kids.”

“At concerts I used to make the entire crowd raise up their pinkies and make a pinky promise never to allow anybody to make them feel that they weren’t good enough. Suddenly I have kids smoking and drinking at my shows, people in their 20s, 30s, and I’m looking into their eyes, and I don’t know what to say. I couldn’t say, ‘Everybody, let’s pinky-promise that you’re beautiful!’ It doesn’t work that way, and I know it because I’m dealing with the same s–t they’re dealing with,” the former Disney Channel star says. “What I wanted to say is that life is so stressful, and I get the desire to just escape it. But I wasn’t figuring my own stuff out, so I felt I had no wisdom to share. And so maybe I thought everybody out there was thinking, ‘This is a waste of time.'”

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