The Ultimate House of Cards Doctor’s Note Is Here—Are You Suffering From the Netflu?

Netflix is here for you. The streaming platform has issued a doctor’s note for the Netflu, which viewers may find they are suffering from now that House of Cards season five is finally out.

Symptoms of the Netflu include: paranoia, inability to sleep, blurry vision and/or strained eyes.

“If you feel that you also have the contagious disease, please quarantine yourself for 13 hours,” the note says.

It just so happens 13 hours is just enough time to finish House of Cards, so that paranoia you’re feeling from spoilers will just disappear. This is similar to the excuse note Milo Ventimiglia gave This Is Us viewers around the world before viewing of the “Memphis” episode wrecked them emotionally.

Frank was still trailing Heather Dunbar (Elizabeth Marvel) in the polls and he and Claire were pretty much done at the beginning of season four. After wooing Claire back with promises of support for her own political ambitions, Frank basically double-crossed her and supported her opponent. But that’s OK, because in a House of Cards twist, Claire ended up becoming Frank’s running mate. Before all that happened, Lucas Goodwin (Sebastian Arcelus) shot Frank and killed Meechum (Nathan Darrow) and Heather Dunbar dropped out of the race after a meeting between her and Lucas came to light. Then and Will Conway (Joel Kinnaman) came onto the scene. The season ended with Frank and Claire, united, using ICO, an Islamic terrorist group, to their benefit and rule with fear.

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